To be used with the sermon:
Breaking the Silence
Musical Prelude:
Invocation:
Call to Worship:
“Come to me, all you
who labour and are overburdened,
and I will give you rest. Shoulder my yoke and learn from me, for I am gentle
and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Yes, my yoke is
easy and my burden light.” —Matthew 11:28-30,
Opening Hymn: Any hymn of praise and adoration
Offering:
Children’s Story:
(A story that stresses God’s love no
matter what the child does would be good. God may be disappointed and sad, but
He always loves us and we can always seek forgiveness.)
Special Music or
Praise Songs:
Prayer for the
Congregation:
(Ask the one praying to be certain to pray for those
suffering from abuse or who may be abusing)
Responsive
(It would work nicely if a family would lead out in the
reading, either taking separate parts or doing the regular type and the
congregation answering with the italicized words.)
“I will bless them and the places surrounding my hill. I
will send down showers in season; there will be showers of blessing.
The trees of the
field will yield their fruit and the ground will yield its crops; the people
will be secure in their land.
They will no longer be plundered by the nations, nor will
wild animals devour them. They will live in safety, and no one will make them
afraid.
You my sheep, the
sheep of my pasture, are people, and I am your God, declares the Sovereign
Lord.
—Ezekiel 34:26-28, 31, NIV.
Sermon: “Breaking the Silence: Making a Difference”
Hymn of Dedication: “The
Benediction:
Postlude:
Breaking the Silence Making a
Difference
Director, General Conference Women’s Ministries
Department
The
General Conference took an historic and brave step in 2001 when it voted that
the fourth Sabbath of each August would be dedicated to an emphasis on abuse
prevention. Why did it do this? Because as a Church we know that abuse is not
right. In fact, it is a sin. And therefore the Church must address it. Even when it is uncomfortable. And in our Church there is a
wide range of belief regarding abuse: all the way from those who say, “abuse does not happen in the Christian home” to those who
have left the Church because they have been hurt or feel the Church has not
addressed abuse sufficiently.
After
the material was sent out for August 2002, the General Conference Women’s
Ministries Department received a letter. When the administrative secretary gave
it to Ardis Stenbakken, the Director, she said, “This is not the type of letter
you want to receive.”
The
correspondent wrote, among other things:
I guess you still don't get it!
You think that this stuff doesn't really happen to kids in YOUR church.
It
was a letter that was hard to take. The letter writer outlined years of abuse
that she suffered at the hands of church leaders and family.
But
still, a lot of people don’t want to hear about abuse: in the news maybe, about
another church but not in our Church. Such things don’t happen in Adventist
churches and families, right?
So
why do we have to hear about it in church?
< Because there are too many who are
suffering just as this correspondent was.
< Because there are people sitting in
this audience who are suffering at the hands of family members. And maybe even
church leaders. I hope not, but too many are.
< Because God talks about it.
So
then why doesn’t the Bible talk about abuse?
Well,
it does. A lot. And it talks even more about the
opposite of abuse: love. And unless we too talk about and address this issue we
become as sounding brass, a clanging cymbal.
Proverbs 31:8, 9 gives us some guidance as to our Christian duty:
Speak up for
those who cannot speak for themselves,
for the rights of all who are destitute.
Speak
up and judge fairly;
defend the rights of the poor and needy.
Several
years ago the South Pacific Division voted a statement regarding abuse: It
says:
“To remain indifferent and unresponsive is to condone,
perpetuate, and possibly extend family violence.”
That
is why we need to talk about it. We don’t want to condone, perpetuate, or
extend violence.
Abuse: Some Definitions:
We
need to be sure that we are thinking about the same things when we talk about
abuse. So lets look at some definitions. These are
written out for you on the handout so you don’t have to take notes or try to
remember. Please look at them with me.
Physical
abuse: behaviors such as shoving, pushing, restraining, hitting,
kicking, pulling hair, choking, cutting, burning, slapping, punching, etc.
Psychological
or emotional abuse: consistent
and harsh criticism, degrading, disparaging name calling, verbal threats,
episodes of rage, depreciation of character and person, isolation from family
and friends, forced financial dependence, intimidation, control over where the
partner can go and what she can do. It can even include threats against or
damage to personal property, pets, etc. used as intimidation or as an
“example.”
Sexual
abuse: any forcing of sexual acts which are unwanted
or declined. Includes incest, molestation, rape, forced
prostitution, oral/genital contact, fondling of genitals or breasts. Done by anyone in position of authority: parent, older relative,
pastor, teacher, or other person in a position of trust, etc.
Another definition: SIN
Psalm 11:5:
The Lord
examines the righteous, but the wicked and those who love violence his soul
hates.
And
in the New Testament we find:
In
Galatians 5:19-21, Paul writes:
The acts of
the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;
idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish
ambition, dissections, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I
warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the
These
actions Paul names—hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition—
are all terms that apply to various aspects of abuse.
Missing
heaven is a pretty serious consequence. It also means that we had better
understand the problem and begin looking at solutions. I love what the Psalmist
writes in Psalm 73:8, 9 where he
describes people who claim to have a relationship with God but do not act like
it. He writes:
They scoff and
speak with malice; in their arrogance they threaten oppression. Their mouths
lay claim to heaven, and their tongues take possession of the earth.
This
could be describing people who come to church and look holy but go home and
abuse members of their family.
Statistics:
There
are many statistics about abuse and statistics don’t mean much to us unless we
can put a face with them, unless we know someone to whom this applies. But lets look at a few to get a perspective:
< World-wide: 1:3 women have been abused
in some form
<
<
<
<
<
< 200 women are raped or battered per
hour in the
Women can abuse too:
Most
concern and reports are about women who are abused by men. In this sermon we
talk primarily about women who are abused. But women can abuse men and children
too and we need to talk about that because that is not right either. Someone
once said that “women abuse with their mouths.” That is probably true. But they
can also hit and abuse physically and sexually.
Again,
some statistics, this time from the
While women are less likely than men to be victims of
violent crimes overall, women are 5 to 8 times more likely than men to be
victimized by an intimate partner. — Violence
by Intimates: Analysis of Data on Crimes by Current or Former Spouses, Boyfriends,
and Girlfriends,
In 92% of all domestic violence incidents, crimes are
committed by men against women. — Violence
Against Women, Bureau of Justice Statistics,
Similar
statistics exist in other parts of the world as well.
Seventh-day Adventist statistics
Several
years ago the Family Ministries department did a study of Adventist families in
seven world divisions. Some of these
figures are in your handout. They found that yes,
abuse does happen to people even in Adventist homes:
Physical
abuse:
15-43 % of females
16-55 % of males
(The 15% represents the division with the lowest report in
this category and 43% represents the division with the highest reported numbers).
Emotional
abuse
27-69% of females
6-37 % of males
Sexually
abused
8-18 % of females
4-12 % of males
Should
we say, “Well that is just the way the world is. We
can’t change our culture. We can’t fix everything?” Or should we say, “God has
a better way. Let’s look at it”:
God’s design for our homes
There
is a beautiful picture in the Bible of how God wants us to treat people. This
story, the book of Ruth, begins: “In the days when the judges ruled...” (Ruth 1:1). It comes at the end of a
series of stories that relate the horrors of what happens when people do not
follow the Lord’s leading:
Judges
21:25: In those days
Ruth
and Naomi lived in a culture that did not give vulnerable women much protection.
And a woman without a husband were totally vulnerable.
Women were property. In fact, when Boaz first sees Ruth he asks “Whose is she?”
But
Boaz was an entirely different sort of man. In fact his name means “manly” or
“strength”
He
was a man’s man. A man to emulate.
When
he first saw Ruth, it was love at first sight. But listen to the first thing he
says to her—it is quite amazing. He says:
Ruth 2:8: My daughter,
listen to me. Don’t go and glean in another field and don’t go away from here.
Stay here with my servant girls. Watch the field where the men are harvesting,
and follow along after the girls. I have told the men to not touch you.
He
wanted to protect her from any abuse. He wanted to keep her safe. In verse 22
Naomi emphasizes this by saying to Ruth, “In someone else’s field you might be
harmed.”
Then
he said something else totally amazing too:
Ruth 2:9: And whenever you are thirsty, go and get a
drink from the water jars the men have filled.
After
he had offered her some lunch, he told his men:
Ruth 2:15: Even if she
gathers among the sheaves, don’t embarrass her. Rather, pull out some stalks
for her from the bundles and leave them for her to pick up, and don’t rebuke
her.
In
other words, he cared about her physical well being, her safety, her emotions;
he even wanted to make her work easier.
There
is another reason also to be excited about these passages and the reason is
found in Ruth 2:20:
Naomi
wants to know where Ruth has been gleaning that she came back with so much
grain.
When
Ruth tells her, Naomi responds:
The Lord bless him! He has not stopped showing his kindness to the
living and the dead. She added, “That man is our close relative; he is one of
our kinsman-redeemers.
We
too have a kinsman-redeemer. Who is this? Yes, of course, Jesus Christ.
Isaiah 44:6,
24 says: This is what the Lord says—
The
Bible has 17 references to God and Jesus as our redeemer.
So
Boaz is a type, a prophetic example of the type of person Jesus would be. He is
an example of how He wants His people to treat others. A good question to ask
ourselves is: How would Jesus act? How did He treat people?
In
fact, He wants our homes to be an example, a preparation, a
model of heaven:
I
have a few quotations I would like to share with you from the pen of Ellen
White. You have them in your handout so you can study them later. But listen:
Can
you imagine any hitting, slapping, injuring in heaven? Any
calling of names? Hurting feelings? Any sexual abuse?
Well, of course not. It would not be heaven if those things happened. And that
is why we are talking about it here in church. That is why we need to look at
how Jesus wants us to act. Because we are to make our homes
little bits of heaven now.
What we can do about abuse:
There
are many things the Church can and should do about abuse. Today’s suggestions
are just a beginning. There are many other parts to abuse that we have not
talked about today. And abuse can be difficult to deal with. We don’t pretend
to offer solutions in just one sermon, just one Sabbath a year. But this is a
beginning. We need to be helpful to and patient with those who have been
abused.
We
can educate, right here in this
church (Note: if you are going to do
a seminar in connection with the Abuse Prevention Emphasis day this would be a
good time to mention it again).
(Note: If your pastor is well aware and informed about abuse, give
him/her affirmation today for that fact.)
We need to help our church board fully understand about abuse.
1 Timothy 3: 1-4: Here is a
trustworthy saying: If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer [bishop] he
desires a noble task. Now the overseer must be above reproach,
the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled,
respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not
quarrelsome, not a lover of money.
(Note: In
cultures where dating is not done before marriage this section of the sermon
should be adjusted accordingly).
We need to educate our youth. Many who suffer domestic abuse report that they
were abused even before they got married but they thought it would stop or
change after marriage. It doesn’t work that way. We need to help them
understand about abuse and what to watch for so they can avoid it in the homes
they establish. In a
Despite all the clamor and headlines about changing sex
roles, young women still learn to be cute, sexually attractive, flirtatious and
submissive in a dating relationship.... They aren’t supposed to take
responsibility or control. The young man, meanwhile, still learns to play the
aggressor. –Battered into Submission, pg.
139.
We
need to educate the Church body just as we are doing today. We have been put in
families and church to help each other to find their value in Jesus Christ. We
need to know how and where we can get help for them. If laws in our community
need to be changed to protect the innocent, we can become involved. There are
many things we can do.
As
a basis for all of this, we need to acknowledge abuse is sin:
Psalm 73:6-9: Therefore pride is their necklace, they clothe
themselves with violence. From their callous hearts comes iniquity; the evil
conceits of their minds know no limits. They scoff and speak with malice; in
their arrogance they threaten oppression. Their mouths lay claim to heaven, and
their tongues take possession of the earth.
We
need to educate our children. We need to educate them regarding their value in
Jesus Christ and the value each person’s gifts and personhood in making
decisions, regardless of gender. As you
can see, there are many classes and seminars we can have here in our church and
community.
We
need to teach girls to trust themselves in their decisions, to value their own
perceptions.
We
need to educate ourselves to respect ourselves: Here is one of my favorite
quotations from Desire of Ages, 657:
The Lord is disappointed when His people place a low
estimate upon themselves. He desires His chosen heritage to value themselves according to the price He has placed upon them.
God wanted them, else He would not have sent His Son
on such an expensive errand to redeem them.
Isn’t
that beautiful? Christ paid a high price for us, His own life. We can value and
respect the life He gives us and others.
Romans 12:1,
2: I
appeal to you therefore, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to
present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is
your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed
by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of
God--what is good and acceptable and perfect.
We
don’t want to batter and abuse what God has made. As Adventists we talk about
health reform, avoiding smoking and alcohol and illicit drugs. Should we not
also avoid allowing anyone to abuse these bodies? Yes, of course. It is
appropriate to say no to anyone who many want to abuse this gift from God.
And
think about this familiar text:
1 Corinthians
6:19, 20: Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom
you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price.
Therefore honor God with your Body.
What should you do if someone you
know is being abused?
What
are some of the things you can do for someone who is being abused?
< First, listen and take every report of
abuse seriously. Many times the person who is abusing is someone we have
respected and looked up to and we find it hard to believe they can abuse. We
are not to judge, just listen and believe until the facts are proven otherwise.
Give her time to talk, and listen without judging. Ask again a few days later.
< Show you care. That is what we are to
do as Christians—be people who care.
< Let her know that it is not her fault.
One of the reasons it is difficult to stop abuse is that the victim so often
believes, and are told, that the abuse is his or her fault. We need to tell
them that no one deserves to be abused.
< Show her that help is available. This
means that as a church we need to find out what help is available in our
community. And if help is not available, it means we will need to do something
ourselves.
< If she remains in the relationship,
continue to be her friend while expressing concern for her safety.
< If she is planning to leave, remind
her to take important papers with her.
< Encourage her to tell a medical
professional so the abuse can be documented.
< Remind her that domestic violence is a
serious crime and that she can seek help from the police and courts.
(Note: The above list will have to be
adjusted according to what help is available and what local laws prevail.)
In our community:
We
can help pass laws to help protect the abused and see that these laws are
upheld. We can help establish or maintain women’s shelters.
As
a church we are to work toward the ideal. Galatians
6:2 tells us:
Carry each
other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Will
this sermon solve the problem?
No. If you are being abused you need
to get help. If your physical safety is being jeopardized, you need to find
help and safety. Now.
If
you are abusing, you need to get help. Talk to a pastor. Talk to your doctor, a
psychologist, marriage/family counselor. Get help. Now.
Before you do more irreparable damage to anyone.
The
Church has a series of brochures that deal with abuse, both for the abuser and for the
abused, or if your child is or has been abused. They can be very helpful. (Note: If you mention these, please be
sure they are available. Otherwise, do not mention them; or offer other
material that is available.).
And
of course there is help from God. He is the only one who can truly change
hearts and lives.
But
He often uses human hands to accomplish His work.
Scripture
brings us many beautiful promises. I would like to close with two of these. The
first is found in Ezekiel 34:26-28: It
speaks of the last days, our time. Notice what it says:
I will send down showers in season; there will
be showers of blessing.... They will know that I am the Lord, when I break the bars
of their yoke and rescue them from the hands of those who enslaved them....
They will live in safety, and no one will make them afraid.
And
the last verse takes our thoughts to heaven. It is our goal. Jesus waits for us
there.
No longer will violence be heard in
your land, nor ruin or destruction within your
borders, but you will call your walls Salvation and your gates Praise. Isaiah 60:18.