Suggested Sermon
Daybreak
Timeless answers
for an old question . . .
A sermon resource by Karen and Ron Flowers
Co-directors of Family Ministries, General Conference of
Seventh-day Adventists
Theme
The
quality of our human relationships reflects the quality of our relationship
with God.
Theme Text
1
John 3:14
Introduction
A Rabbi once
asked his students, “How can we determine the hour of dawn, when the night ends
and the day begins?”
One student
suggested, “Is it when you can distinguish between a dog and a sheep in the
distance?”
“No,” the Rabbi
answered.
“Is it when you
can distinguish between a fig tree and a grapevine?” asked a second student.
“No,” the Rabbi
responded again.
“Please tell us the answer, then,” urged the students.
Said the wise
teacher, “It is when you have enough
light to look human beings in the face and recognize them as your brothers and
sisters. Until then the darkness is still with us.”
Until we see
ourselves as part of one family, the darkness is still with us. Dawn arrives,
daybreak comes, only when we are able to look into the faces of all human
beings around us and recognize them as our brothers and sisters.
Vertical and Horizontal Relationships
Our Lord
recognized that we form relationships in two directions—with God and with
humankind. The vertical if you will . . . and the horizontal.
More importantly, He gave spiritual significance to human relationships. He
elevated them to a moral plane parallel to our relationship with God.
In Matthew
22:37-40, Jesus summed up the law in two commands: “Love the Lord your God . .
. .” and “Love your neighbor . . . .” Like two sides of one coin, love for God
and love for others are bound together. Christianity holds on to these two
relationships at the same time. When one is emphasized to the exclusion or minimization
of the other, religion is warped.
Overemphasis
on the Vertical. If, in my experience, I over-emphasize my vertical
relationship with God without allowing my spirituality to permeate the world
around me through my relationships with fellow human beings, I have an
unbalanced, mystical religion. Throughout history, such a view has led to the
formation of so-called “spiritual
centers,” where “the religious” have sought deeper spirituality in isolation
from the world.
One such is the Shrine of La Verna in Italy. There, still today, monks endeavor by
self-imposed exclusion from human contact to reach a state of perfect holiness.
It is their quest to achieve such a high spiritual state that God will honor
them by giving them in their bodies the stigmata of Jesus—the wound marks in
his hands, feet and side—as church tradition records they were bestowed on
their beloved patron saint Francis of Assisi. In order to achieve such
holiness, they believe they must be totally separated from the world around them.
In some cases, monks have imposed radical isolation upon themselves for over
seven years, coming down out of their monastic cells twice a day—once for
prayers and once to eat. At no time do they exchange even a word with another
human being.
One is compelled to admire the resolve
and determination of such individuals, the singular, intense focus which they
exhibit. But if we hear what Jesus is saying, we must question whether or
not—in their great desire to be attuned to God—they have not missed something
equally important, namely their spiritual responsibility to their fellow human
beings.
Overemphasis
on the Horizontal. On the other hand, if my life is focused only on life in
the here and now, even if I am involved with people, doing for people, but loving
the “Lord’s work” more than the Lord of the work, neglecting to give attention
to deepening my personal relationship with God, I run the risk of slipping into
a kind of social religion. It is a religion that operates from a shallow pool
of platitudes. It ebbs and flows with the waves of popular concern. But it
lacks the depths of understanding and experience with God that undergirds warm
loving relationships and compassionate caring ministry over the long haul. This
too is an unbalanced experience.
The story of
Frank (a pseudonym) comes to mind. Frank was a thin little man who kept dried
seaweed in his pockets instead of jelly beans. He had a widespread reputation
for his piety and sacrifice. When the congregation refinished the church
basement, he gave a lot of money and worked scores of dawn-to-dusk Sundays
until it was finished. He personally paid for and serviced the literature rack
in the bus station. And when an evangelist set up his tent during off-season on
the carnival grounds, he passed out more handbills than anyone. He was always
present at prayer meeting and prayed most earnestly, and he could always say
all his memory verses. Surely, if a man could love God, he did.
One has to
wonder, though, about some other things. Frank didn’t seem to have much of a
relationship with his wife and children. He didn’t bring the family into public
view much. The wife was always busy taking care of the house and rearing the
kids, and their house needed a lot of repair. Fellow church members can’t
remember ever seeing her in a new dress. A friend in the church gave her a flat
of pansies once in the Spring. She cried.
Avoiding the
Ditches. Clearly, there is the ditch on either side. In the New Testament,
Paul and Peter call Gentiles from their preoccupation with life here, with the
human side of the equation, to a relationship with God that will infuse
relationships in the here and now with new meaning. For example, the book of
Romans dedicates 11 chapters to clearly presenting the good news of the gospel.
Then and only then, beginning in chapter 12, does the apostle turn to describe
the transformation that belief in Jesus and a commitment to the principles of
His kingdom will work in the human realm. At the same time, Matthew records his
windows on the ministry of Christ for a generation whose preoccupation with the
vertical had led to legalistic hypocrisy in the human realm. In his
gospel, the events and words of Christ impress this people with the importance
of the human side of the equation (cf. Matt. 5:23,
24; 25:35-45). Perhaps the Jewish audience for whom Matthew was writing was
more like many religious people today.
We need the
vertical relationship, but we also need the horizontal. Hearts are starving for
warmth and kindness. Often the hearts that are starving the most are those
closest to us. They are starving while we are pursuing our relationship with
the Lord. Hence there is much in the New Testament which details how true
religion will live life in human clothes.
New Testament Emphasis on Human
Relationships
Jesus. Jesus spoke in both general and specific terms about His
intent for human
relationships
under the principles of His new kingdom. And a lofty intent it is!
▪ John 13:34 “A new command I give you: Love one
another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”
▪ John 15:12 “My command is this: Love each other as I
have loved you.”
This is the radical agape
love of God toward which we are called to stretch in our relationships. It is a love that is willing to give of
oneself, considering not only one’s own interests, but also the interests of
others.
Apostles. Like Jesus, the apostles recognized the significance
of human relationships.
▪ 1 John 4:21 “And he has given us this command: Whoever
loves God must also love his brother.”
▪ Gal. 5:14 A most amazing verse, “The entire law is
summed up in a single command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
There is
something very important here. God is profoundly interested in how we do
relationships with each other.
Why Love for Fellow Human Beings Is Important
Human beings
need to know human love in order to comprehend God’s love (1 John 4:11, 12).
“No one has seen God” the Scripture affirms, but if we love one another,
God’s love is revealed in us. It
follows, as the Bible teaches, that agape love is our greatest witness
(John 13:35).
Dan (a
pseudonym) once told a pastor his story. First, you should know that Dan was
the head elder in his congregation. He was also the treasurer. And the personal
ministries leader, and the Sabbath School
teacher, and the caretaker of the property . . . . When the pastor and his
family arrived, Dan’s wife informed the new pastor’s wife that it would be all
right having them around for awhile, but that her husband really was the
shepherd of that congregation. He had a saying of his own that conveyed the
same sentiment: “Pastors come and pastors go, but I stay on forever!”
It wasn’t long
into his pastorate in that place that the pastor began to receive reports from
the members of the hardness of this man’s preaching and teaching in their
midst. “It’s like he has the church in the palm of his hand and he’s squeezing
out all of it’s life juices,” one woman confided. “He says we aren’t faithful
with our tithes and offerings. We don’t study our Bibles enough. We don’t eat
the right things or wear the right clothes. We never do anything right!”
Finally the
pastor knew he had to confront the brother. With trepidation the young pastor
made an appointment with the elder. Expecting a mighty defense to his
confrontation, the young pastor was totally taken by surprise by the great sobs
that came from deep within the old man as he listened to the concerns of the
pastor and the members of the church about his ministry in their midst.
Then, without
explanation, he wiped away his tears and began to tell a story of a little boy.
A little boy who wanted so very much to please his father, but who never seemed
to be able to do anything right. At first the pastor was puzzled, then the
connection broke over him. The old man was the little boy. And now, in his
dealings with the church, his own experience had come full circle. He was the
hard father, and the congregation were his children. “I know they say God is a
loving Father,” he concluded. “I preach about it, but I don’t know what it
means.”
A person’s
experience with human love either sets them up to understand and respond to
Scripture’s familial metaphors of God as loving parent and marriage partner, or
their human experience makes it virtually impossible, but for a miracle of
grace, for them to understand and accept God as Love.
The love of
Christians for people. The love of Christian parents for their children. The
love of Christian spouses for each other. The love of Christians extended
freely into a needy world. Such agape love is our most powerful testimony and
evangelistic witness. We have priceless opportunities in our human
relationships. Hear Paul’s plea for the radical transformation of the gospel to
be worked in our lives that our witness might heard:
Therefore, if anyone
is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All
this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the
ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in
Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the
message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God
were making his appeal through us. Be reconciled to God (2 Cor. 5:17-20).
By our love for each other, our love for God is manifested
(Matt 25:40). This is a second reason
why God elevates human relationships to a spiritual plane. Our love for others
is a tangible expression of our faith. Loving others is not our salvation, for
that salvation was prepared for us in Christ before the foundations of the
world were laid, long before we ever did anything good. But our love for each
other is the evidence that we have laid hold of the salvation God has
worked out for us in the life and death of Jesus Christ.
1 John 3:14 makes this very point: “We know that we
have passed from death to life, because we love one another” (NRSV). Our love
for others is the surest evidence that we have understood and responded to the
gospel. The quality of our human relationships is the best litmus test for the
quality of our relationship with God. If
you would apply Scripture’s measure to the state of your spirituality, you must
look honestly at the quality of your human relationships. The nature of your relationship with God is
revealed in the way your treat your marriage partner, your children, your
parents, your fellow human beings (cf.Matt.25:31-46).
This truth is
affirmed in the Seventh-day Adventist world church statement on family
violence:
The
Bible clearly indicates that the distinguishing mark of Christian believers is
the quality of their human relationships in the church and in the family. It is in the spirit of Christ to love and
accept, to seek to affirm and build others up, rather than to abuse or tear one
another down. There is no room among
Christ’s followers for tyrannical control and the abuse of power or
authority. Motivated by their love for
Christ, His disciples are called to show respect and concern for the welfare of
others, to accept males and females as equals, and to acknowledge that every
person has a right to respect and dignity.
Failure to relate to others in this way violates their personhood and
devalues human beings created and redeemed by God.
The story is
told of a young theology student who sought to deepen his spirituality through
much time in prayer and Bible study with fellow theologians. Long days he was
in class and at work, and late into the night he was absent from the home
praying and studying with fellow students. One day when he came home for
supper, his young son begged him to stay home for the evening. Seeing the
father roughly brush his son aside, his wife attempted to intervene. “He only
wants to be with you,” she said. “He loves you so much.” Her intervention was
met with an angry rebuff indicative of how little we understand the
connectedness between our relationship with God and our relationship with our
families. His abrupt reply unquestionably revealed the shallowness of his
spirituality: “That’s the trouble with you woman,” he said with disgust, “you
don’t understand the things of God.” It
is also true that this young theologian did not understand that the way he
lived his life gave his young son a distorted view of God.
This love for
one another, of which the Bible writers speak, is not a love we generate in
ourselves. Sin has destroyed our capacity to love one another. In the place of loving, we seek to control,
to have power over one another. Our
“love” for each other is conditional—“I will love you if . . . .” But God wants to plant His agape love
in our hearts. 1 John 4:12 says, “If we love one another, God abides in us,
and His love has been perfected in us.”
Some time ago a
remarkable story by Henri Nouwen appeared in the magazine, Signs of the
Times (May 1989) under the title “Adam’s Peace”:
I live in a house with
six handicapped people and four assistants. We live together as a family. We
eat together, play together, pray together, and go out together. We all have
our own preferences, and we all have our problems getting along with someone in
the house, whether handicapped or not. We laugh a lot. We cry a lot too.
Sometimes both at the same time.
Adam is the weakest
person in our family. He is a 25-year-old man who cannot speak, cannot dress or
undress himself, cannot walk alone, cannot eat without much help. He does not
cry or laugh. Only occasionally does he make eye contact. His back is
distorted. His arm and leg movements are twisted. He suffers from severe
epilepsy and, despite heavy medication, sees few days without grand-mal
seizures. Sometimes, as he grows suddenly rigid, he utters a howling groan. On
a few occasions I’ve seen one big tear roll down his cheek.
It takes me about an hour
and a half to wake Adam up, give him his medication, carry him into his bath,
wash him, shave him, clean his teeth, dress him, walk him to the kitchen, give
him his breakfast, put him in his wheelchair and bring him to the place where
he spends most of the day with the therapeutic exercises.
After a month of
working this way with Adam, something happened to me. This deeply handicapped
young man, who is considered by many outsiders a vegetable, a distortion of
humanity, a useless animal-like creature who shouldn’t have been born, started
to become my dearest companion.
As my fears gradually
lessened, a love emerged in me so full of tender affection that most of my
other tasks seemed boring and superficial compared with the hours spent with
Adam. Out of his broken body and broken mind emerged a most beautiful human
being offering me a greater gift that I would ever offer him: Somehow Adam
revealed to me who he is, and who I am, and how we can love each other.
Adam in his total
vulnerability calls us together as a family. Adam. The most broken of us all,
is without any doubt the strongest bond among us. Because of Adam there is
always someone home. Because of Adam there is a quiet rhythm in the house.
Because of Adam there are words of affection, gentleness, and tenderness.
Because of Adam there is always space for mutual forgiveness and healing. Adam,
the weakest among us, is our true peacemaker. How mysterious are God’s ways!”
(First published
as “The Peace That Is Not of This World”, Weavings, March/April 1988.
Published as “Adam’s Peace”, Signs of the Times, May 1989. Copied with
permission of the Estate of Henri J. M. Nouwen.)
Conclusion
It’s hard to know whether
the wise old Rabbi who talked about the darkness and the dawn ever read the New
Testament. Perhaps he did. In the first letter of John we find these words: “I
am writing you a new command. . . . Anyone who claims to be in the light but
hates his brother is still in the darkness. Whoever loves his brother lives in
the light” (2:8-10).
References
Nouwen, H.
(1989, May). Adam’s peace. Signs of the Times.
Breaking The Silence
Abuse Prevention Emphasis Day
Suggested Children’s Story
Please
Note
The following suggested children’s story is of a very
delicate nature, one not ordinarily talked about, especially in church. But it is a very important message. We would suggest that you think carefully
about who should tell this story; it should be someone who is highly respected
by parents and children alike—perhaps even the pastor. It should be someone who can speak in such a
kind and simple way that the children will clearly understand the intended
message.
In the original, as written by Kerene Whelan, the private
body parts are named: “penis, vagina,
breast, and bottom.” If you live in an
area where this would be acceptable, you may wish to use these correct
terms. If using these terms would cause
more problems than it would solve, please follow the suggested change as given. May God bless you as you reach out in love to
the children of your congregation.
Author’s Biography
Kerene Whelan lives in Melbourne, Australia with her husband and 2 children. She holds a Diploma of Counseling in Abuse
and Abusive Behaviors and a Diploma of Science (Nursing). She has worked for many years with children
in her professional capacity and as a
volunteer. Kerene has a firm conviction
that only with the education of both adults and children can the rate of child
abuse be reduced, especially within the Church setting. Kerene is establishing an educational
business called Making Our Kids Safe (MOKS) It is dedicated to educating
children and adults about abuse, and what the individual can do to prevent
abuse. Watch out for further stories for
kids in the future by Kerene. Anyone
interested in helping with seeding grants to help establish the business and
make available further educational material, please contact MOKS Business
Manager:
Sylvana Scannapiego
38A Murphy
Street, Richmond, Vic, 3121 Australia
Telephone + 613 942777433
Fax + 613 9428 4636
Email: sas@publishing-solutions.com.au
Suggested
Children’s Story
Adapted from “Alex Angel”
GOD
LOVES YOU! He is glad you are who you
are. There is no one else in the whole
world just like you. You are very
special because you are you. God made
every part of your body. Every part of
your body is special and has a special job to do to help keep you safe and
healthy.
Our
body is covered by skin. Our skin can
help us feel good touches like a nice hug.
It can also let us know when we don’t like something. Our hands might get sweaty, or the little
hairs on the back of our neck stand up and we feel afraid. Our body is letting us know we don’t feel safe.
God
made our minds. We can think about how
to play safe and keep our self safe. If
we don’t feel safe, our mind can help tell us what to do. It can help our legs move fast so we can run
away. It can help our mouths to shout
“NO” and to go find an adult who we trust and who will believe us, to tell them
what happened. It can help us think of
ways to avoid the problem in the future.
If we feel like hitting someone we are angry, our mind can help us
decide what we can do instead of hurting someone.
If
you are asked to touch someone’s private parts, the parts we keep covered with
clothes, your mind can help you remember to say a firm “NO” and to go and tell
a trusted adult about it. If someone
calls you names or tells lies about you, your mind can tell you to remember the
truth.
You
are special! God made you, you. You are wonderfully made and God has a
special job for you to do for Him.
God
created feelings; it is O.K. to feel
sad, angry, mad, or yucky when you are hurt by someone, especially if someone
you know touches you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. Or if someone hits, bites, kicks you or,
calls you names and teases you. These
are not nice and you must use your mind that God made for you and tongue that
God made for you, to go and tell someone who you can trust and to keep telling
people until someone believes and helps you.
It
is also very important that you keep telling someone who you trust when people
are nasty to you by what they say or do to you.
You can practice with your friends what to do if you feel unsafe, so
that if you ever feel unsafe, you will know what to do straight away.
God
can help your mind to think about who to
talk to when you don’t feel safe. Some
people are teachers, police people, counselors, social workers, nurses, and
doctors. Can you think of anyone else?
Sometimes
when you are playing with family and friends, they may accidentally touch you
on your private parts., or they may hit or kick you hard when trying to get a
ball. It may hurt or make you feel
uncomfortable but it may not harm you.
However, if someone keeps doing it to you and you feel unsafe, please
tell someone you trust about how you are feeling and what is happening. It is never O.K. for anyone, even family or
friends, to talk nasty to you, to hit , kick, bite, or pull you hair. It is never O.K. for them to keep touching
your private body areas. This is
treating you with disrespect. It is
never O.K. for you to treat people in
this way either.
You
are special. God does not want people to
treat you with disrespect or for you to treat others with disrespect. Sometimes someone may be treating you
disrespectfully and there are friends or family in the same room as you who
don’t notice you are being treated like this.
You need to tell them what is happening so they can help you to be safe
again.
God
loves you. He wants you to learn how to
keep yourself safe and how you can help others be safe also. Can you pass this message on to all the other
children that you know, so one day, all the children in the world just like you
will know about God, how He loves them and how He wants them to be safe?
Breaking
the Silence
Abuse Prevention Emphasis Day
Suggested Adventist Youth Society Program
Theme:
The following monologues are designed to break the silence
about abuse, to foster awareness, insight, and discussion. You may want to present this information in
drama form or simply read it as a scenario.
However you choose to present this information, the purpose is to engage
your youth in a meaningful discussion about abuse. We pray that this program will be a stepping
stool to help break the silence about abuse in our homes and in our churches.
Subject Matter:
Matria and K.T. are students at Trivon High. Matria, an only child, is a shy, quiet young
woman full of insecurities. Her parents
recently divorced after her father had an extramarital affair with her mother’s
best friend. The experience has left
Matria bitter, resentful and distrustful of men. She has a hard time taking responsibility for
her actions and blames others for her faults.
Tall and muscular, K.T. looks more like a football player
than the captain of the basketball team.
He recently became the man of the house following his father’s death to
cancer. The oldest of three children, he
dutifully helps his hard-working mother take care of his two younger
siblings. His good heart, maturity, and
loyalty to those he cares about allow him to take his responsibilities
seriously.
Matria and K.T. become boyfriend and girlfriend. It does not take long before Matria exhibits
abusive behaviors towards K.T.
Embarrassed and confused, K.T. struggles with the reality of being
abused by his girlfriend despite his strength of character and his size.
Disclaimer:
We realize that that this scenario may seem improbable to
some of you. However, the issue of men
being abused by their girlfriends or wives is a reality that we must face. This in no way discounts the fact that
millions of women and children around the world are being abused, even killed,
yearly. Although this particular subject
matter is presented, we encourage you to also incorporate abused women and
children in your discussion. Try to have
available statistics for your country or state.
Note:
If your church does not have an AYS, the youth leaders may
want to use this material in a Sabbath
School program or in some other
venue.
Written by
Fabiola Jacqueline Vatel, GC Women’s Ministries
Martria’s
Story
By
Fabiola Jacqueline Vatel
I
guess you could say that I never really liked myself. It’s not my fault, though. You see, my parents never taught me how. Dad was a workaholic and Mom, well, she was
too busy spending Dad’s money on herself.
I guess that’s why he worked so hard.
I think Dad probably got fed up with her being so self-centered. Maybe
that’s why he ran off with Mom’s best friend.
Dad always said Gwenda paid more attention to him then Mom did. The trouble was, neither Mom nor Dad
ever paid much attention to me.
Imagine
how excited I was when K.T. asked me out!
I figured I must’ve been pretty decent if the captain of the basketball
team asked me to be his girlfriend!
Sometimes, though, I can’t help but wonder what he sees in me. I mean I’m not the prettiest girl at
Trivon High. He tells me that I’m
beautiful and that he loves my personality, but what if he’s lying? What if he’s just saying these things to
satisfy me while he’s checking out some other girls?
About
a month ago, I made K.T. promise me that he wouldn’t talk to or even look
at any other girls. I told him that I wouldn’t go to any of his tournament games
until he promised. By the second game he was on his knees! Not only did he promise, he even said that he
loved me! I knew for sure that K.T. was mine.
I
was on my way to history class a couple of days later when I spotted K.T. from
a distance talking to someone by his locker.
I peeked a little more closely through the crowd. Guess what?
He was flirting with Penelope, one of those perky
cheerleaders! At that point I don’t know
what came over me. I slammed my books on
the ground and stormed towards K.T. He
finally noticed me as I got closer and you know what he did? He smiled at me as if he was actually happy
to see me!
The
next thing I remember, I was kicking him in the groin, punching his back, and
biting at his arm with all my might.
Penelope disappeared through the crowd of spectators that had formed to
witness the scene. Mr. Thomas, a
guidance counselor, appeared out of nowhere it seemed, and eventually tore me
away from K.T.
“How
could you do this to me?” I
yelled back at K.T. as Mr. Thomas dragged me, still kicking, to the principal’s
office. “You promised! You promised!” K.T. simply stood there in the middle of the
hall, staring at me in shock, massaging his arm, his cheeks flushed with
embarrassment.
That
got me suspended for three days. K.T.
later explained that Penelope and he were just talking about the team’s
tournament championship victory. I
apologized to him. He forgave me. I felt
really bad. It’s not my fault
though! I mean, K.T. just makes me so mad
sometimes. He knows just the right
buttons to push to set me off.
Just
like the other day. I phoned him five
times in a row and he never returned my phone calls! I sat by the phone waiting for three
hours. When he finally called, boy did I
let him have it! I cursed him out, and
you know what? Again, I felt really bad
afterwards.
I
feel so lonely right now. Maybe I should
call K.T. and apologize. I really don’t
deserve him. I hope he doesn’t dump me. I told him that I rather die than to
live without him in my life. I wish I
wouldn’t get so angry with him. I hate
myself for being this way. I just can’t
help it.
K.T.’s
Story
By
Fabiola Jacqueline Vatel
Mom says I’m the
man of the house now. Ever since Dad
died things have been real hard for the four of us. Mom’s got two jobs so she
counts on me to wake up Nate and Less every weekday morning, get them ready for
school, and walk them there.
After school, I usually take Nate and Less
home, fix dinner, get them started on their homework, and head over to my cleaning
job at Rollo’s, the corner store down the street. Lately, I’ve had to take them to basketball
practice with me after school. They cheer me on the whole time! Last night, I was on my way to bed when Mom
came home. We hugged; then she told me
how proud she was of me! Suddenly life
didn’t seem as hard.
Life
became even better when Matria came into the picture! She was a sweet, caring girl. That’s what attracted me to her. You know what? I think her smile won me over! There’s something strange about her
though. She gets in these weird
moods. I guess it’s depression. I try to comfort her but no matter what I say
she doesn’t seem to believe me. No
matter what I do to make her feel better, it always seems as if I’m doing the
wrong thing. It makes me feel so
useless.
Matria
really threw me off about a month ago.
She called me up on the phone in tears, worried that I was
cheating on her. Can you believe
it? I had finally found a girl that I
actually cared about and she didn’t even trust me! Next, she ordered me to prove that I
really cared about her by promising never to talk to or even look at any
other girl! I said “No way!” Then
she threatened that she wouldn’t come to any of my tournament games. I figured she was bluffing.
Matria knew how
important to me these three games were.
I was the captain and star player on the team. Depending on how well I played, I could
finally get my hands on a college scholarship!
That way, Mom wouldn’t have to take out any loans and she wouldn’t have
to worry about us paying for my education.
Well, Matria
wasn’t bluffing. We played two games and
she never showed up. If Mom hadn’t
gotten off early from work just to see me play, I don’t know how I would’ve
made it. I couldn’t take it
anymore. I rushed to Matria’s house that
night and begged her to come to my last game. I told her I loved her and that
she was the only girl I had eyes for.
That was a serious mistake.
A couple days
later, I was on my way to my locker when I bumped into Penelope, one of our cheerleaders. She was just as excited about our
championship victory as I was! As we
were talking, I noticed Matria coming towards us. I was pretty happy to see her since we hadn’t
seen each other all day. The closer she
got to me, the more I changed my mind.
The next thing I
knew she was on me, beating me up! I was
so shocked, I didn’t know what to do!
My dad always taught me never to hit a woman. So I just stood there, trying to shield
myself from her attacks. Someone must
have alerted Mr. Thomas, a guidance counselor, he’s the one that put a stop to
it. I don’t know which was worse, the
pain in my groin from Matria kicking me, or the embarrassment. Here I was, a star basketball player, tall
and muscular, and I’d just been beat up by my thin, petite girlfriend in front
of half the school.
Well, that got her
suspended for three days. I guess that
gave her a lot of time to think. She
phoned me at home and tearfully apologized. Guess what? I forgave her.
I know it sounds
stupid, but I really love this girl! I
know she’s got problems, but I think I can handle them. When she’s not angry, Matria is such a sweet
person. Honest, she is!
Just the other day, she got mad at me for not
returning her phone calls. I had to work
late that day! When I finally got a
chance to call her back…she really gave me an earful. She wouldn’t listen.
I feel sorry for
Matria. I mean, obviously she’s not
happy about life. I just don’t
understand why she gets so angry with me.
I don’t want to leave her because I’m afraid she might hurt
herself. I feel like she’s my
responsibility, you know?
Discussion
1. How
would you define abuse?
2. What
are the types of abuse?
3. Discuss
myths about abuse.
4. Compare
and contrast Matria and K.T.’s upbringing.
5. How
would you describe Matria’s personality?
6. How
would you describe K.T.’s personality?
7. Is
Matria’s anger toward K.T. justified?
8. Does
Matria take responsibility for her actions?
Explain.
9. How
does K.T. react to Matria’s actions?
10. K.T. feels
that Matria is his responsibility. Why
do you think this is so?
11. Put
yourself in K.T.’s shoes. What would you
do if you were in his situation?
12. If Matria
and K.T. were part of your church’s youth group and you were made aware of this
situation, how would you handle it?
13. What do the
Bible and Spirit of Prophecy have to say about the ill-treatment of
others? List texts and references.
14. Discuss the
types of abuse that were exhibited in this scenario.
15. How did
this scenario help you to better understand the reality of abuse?
Breaking The Silence
Abuse Prevention Emphasis Day
Resource Pages
Books:
Alsdurf, J., and Alsdurf, P. (1989). Battered into Submission. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press. 168 pp.
Collinson, D. (2001). Encounters With Darkness. Hagerstown, MD: Review and Herald Publishing. 125 pp.
Couden, B., ed. (1999). Understanding Intimate Violence. Hagerstown, MD: Review and Herald Publishing
Association. 160 pp.
Dunbar, M. (2002).
The Truth About Us: How To Discover The Potential God Has Given You. Lincoln, NE: AdventSource.
150 pp.
Morris, M. (1993). Sins of the Father. Nampa, ID: Pacific Press Publishing Association. 224 pp.
Vanderman, G. (1992).
The Overcomers. Nampa, ID: Pacific Press Publishing Association. 96 pp.
White, E. (1996). Comfort. Nampa, ID: Pacific Press Publishing Association. 144 pp.
White, E.. (1980 ). The Adventist Home. Hagerstown, MD: Review and Herald Publishing. 583 pp.
Brochures
and Booklets:
Abuse and
Family Violence: A Global Affliction.
Available through GC Family Ministries..
Family Violence: A Christian Response. Available through GC Family Ministries.
How To Believe When Hurt. Charles Scriven. Produced by Pacific Press Publishing
Association.
Seventh-day Adventist Statement on Family
Violence. Produced by the General Conference of SDA.
Understanding Sexual Abuse. Kit Watts, ed. Compiled by Review and Herald Publishing.
What Everyone Should Know About Family
Violence. Available through GC Women’s Ministries.
When Days Are Dark. Gerald Nash.
Review and Herald Publishing.
Where is God When You Hurt? Richard Coffen.
Produced by Pacific Press Publishing Association.
Videos:
Hear Their Cries: Religious Responses to Child Abuse. Produced by the Center for the Prevention of Sexual
Abuse and Domestic Violence, 936 North 34th
St., Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98103, USA. (206) 634-1903. Color.
Running time 48 minutes. (Also available in Spanish)
Broken Vows: Religious Perspectives on Domestic Violence. Produced by the Center For the Prevention of
Sexual and Domestic Violence, 936 North 34th
St., Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98103, USA. (206) 634-1903. Color.
Running time 59 minutes. (Also available in Spanish)
Wings Like a Dove: Healing for the Abused Christian Woman. Produced by the Center For the
Prevention of Sexual Abuse and Domestic
Violence, 936 North 34th St., Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98103, USA. (206) 634-1903. Color.
Running time 34 minutes.
Too Close to Home. Produced by Adventist Media Centre, South
Pacific Division, 150 Fox Valley Road, Wahroonga, N.S.W.
2076, Australia, for the Trans-Tasman
Union Conference of SDA. Color. 34 minutes. (Available in PAL format)
Workshops:
Peace and Healing, Making Homes
Abuse-free. Prepared by Karen and Ron Flowers with Audray
Johnson, and Elaine and Willie Oliver, NAD Church Resources, AdventSource 5040
Prescott Avenue Lincoln, NE 68506
1-800-328-0525, 1996. Video included. Available in PAL and NST format. (Also
available in French and Spanish)
Phone
Numbers:
Adventist Support Line
Australia: 1-8000-220-468
New Zealand: 0-800-442-458
Polly’s Place
Michigan, USA (616) 687-9822
AdventSource
Nebraska, USA 1-800-328-0525
Domestic Violence
Hotline
New York, USA 1-800-621-4673
Websites:
Center for the Prevention of Sexual and
Domestic Violence:
http://wwww.cpsdv.org
Hope For Healing: information on abuse,
links and steps to healing
http://www.hopeforhealing.com
Human Rights in Subsaharan Africa: offers information on human rights and abuse
in all African countries
http://www.derechos.org/human-rights/afr/
Safe Horizons: offers resources on
domestic violence for South America, Mexico, Europe, South Asia, Canada, and the US
http://www.safehorizon.org
Local
Resources:
